We go to Target, almost without fail, every Friday.
Friday is grocery day, and lucky for us (not so much so for our wallets) our closest Target is a Super Target. There is an entire grocery store inside. It is a sweet sweet red and white air conditioned oasis in the middle of the literal desert. Plus, it is on the way home from the twins' preschool.
I used to think that having a grocery inside the already amazing Target was a blessing. However, after living so close to one for about seven years I now know that it is nothing short of diabolical. Diabolical I tell you!
First you walk in and there is a declicious smelling Starbucks just inside, obviously you need to stop and earn stars for gold status! I mean, you just have to. How else will your mailbox fill up with all those expired offers for Frappe refills in the middle of the day? Once the kids get wind of the Starbucks the order gets bumped up to include two cake pops and a pack of madaline cookies (do those earn stars??).
Just past that is the brightly lit and well organized grocery section, but of course you can't just go straight there. I mean, you are a mom. You have to go to the baby section to pick up some puffs and gross squeeze packets. Too bad the baby section is all the way on the other side of the store... no way to get there without passing either the housewares and adult clothing, or the toys and kids clothing. Tell me that that is not the most well thought out floor plan ever. I'm lucky if I can make it to the puffs with only a new pan and novelty t-shirt by the time I get there.
Oh look, the super cute sippy cups are in the same aisle as the puffs. How convenient, since the ones you keep buying right here only last about a month. Oh and all the Thomas the Train stuff is set on an end cap right between the baby section and the dairy section. That won't cost you at all!
If you make it to dairy section with any room left in your cart you might get a false sense of security, about how quickly and easily this trip to Target has gone. Don't be fooled though. You will try to get the healthier (I think) less sugar packed yogurt, but it will be too late. Your daughter already has seen the ones with Elsa on the box, and there is no other acceptable yogurt. Oh, and your son doesn't want the orange cheese sticks, he wants the light blue Babybel cheeses because they are blue like Thomas! No not the red ones, BLUE!
Ahhhh yes. The next aisle has you wondering why on Earth all the ice cream is placed directly accross from your absolute picky kid staple, frozen pizza. Is your freezer even roomy enough to hold all this stuff? Well duh, you have obvioulsy become a Tetris master of frozen goods.
Just when you are thinking longingly about a glass of wine, YOUR favorite section apears like a glowing heavenly cloud. Just grab the six bottle bag for the discount. Remember to grab two boxes of frozen waffles, which are cleverly placed next to the wine aisle. You're going to be two hungover to cook the eggs and cinamon rolls you are going to purchase. You will just have to rearrange the freezer again. You wonder if the produce drawers in your refridgerator can get cold enough to keep things frozen.
Oh my god, you are only half way through the store. You could do the smart thing and pull the rip cord now. Not too much damage done to your wallet, the kids are all still getting along fairly well, and your signifigant other is still speaking to you. Alas, there is still the paper goods, La Croix, Goldfish Crackers, popcorn, soon to be hoarded dark chocolate, chicken nuggets, applesauce, katsup, broccoli, bananas (which always go brown), overpriced berries, and the lipglosses to wade through.
When you finally leave the store an hour and a half after you walked in the baby is screaming, one kid is screaming for cheese, and the other is mumbling about wanting a new car (yes, a new car). You and your signifigant other are shell shocked, suffering extreme buyers remorse, and way to exhausted too think about dinner so you pick up chicken nugget kids meals on the way home. You swear that you are never all going to Target again.
Somehow though, by Thursday you can't wait for your weekly outing to Target. It is tradition after all! Or maybe it is the clever advertising you see all week. Will anyone ever really know?