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Ramblings of a Mombie

Last night was one of the worst nights of sleep that I have had in a while. In fact, this whole week has been pretty shitty sleep wise.

Charlie is a little over a year and a half and is not even close to sleeping through the night. I usually bring her into bed with me from her crib between twelve and one in the morning. Then after she nurses and we fall asleep for a while I try and remember to put her back in the crib around three. Between four and five we do the same thing, but she stays in bed with me until I wake up for the day. This past week has followed the same pattern, but multiplied by two or three. Up and down. Up and down. Crib to bed, bed to crib. I have no idea what is going on with her, but I am going to blame it:) on teeth (because I blame everything on teeth, damn assholes). I know that "this too shall pass" and all that, but I want it to pass NOW. I don't want to hear people tell me to enjoy these fleeting moments; I know that they are fleeting. I survived twins and while the exhausted moments felt like eternity now it seems that they went by in the blink of an eye.

What I do want is for people to bring me Starbucks, wine, and dark chocolate while respond ing to my complaint riddled texts with commiseration, not with corney inspirational quotes. Luckily, I have surrounded myself with an amazing circle of friends and family that all "get" me and generally know what I need to hear/drink/eat when I am struggling.

Ok, enough about that. Tired moms are nothing new. What I orginally sat down to write about is our usual morning "routine" and I use the word loosely.

  • 6:30- My alarm goes off and I quickly hit snooze so as not to wake the baby.

  • 6:39- Alarm goes off again and I quickly turn it off and decide to sleep until 7 because today will be the day that the kids get ready super quickly, with minimal direction.

  • 7:00- Secondary alarm goes off, I hit snooze.

  • 7:03- Roll out of bed and tip toe to the restroom, finally go pee after holding it all night so as not to get up and wake the baby (again).

  • 7:05- Brush teeth, wash face, begin hair and makeup (all silently).

  • 7:09- DAMN IT, the alarm went off on the bed right next to where the baby is sleeping! Turn on Disney Jr. and hand sippy cup to baby.

  • 7:11- Back to hair and makeup, begin daily texting with friends about how tired we all are.

  • 7:40- Set Charlie up in the livingroom with Disney Jr. while I go upstairs and wake up the twins. Spend 5-10 minutes trying to cajole them awake, resort to bodily dragging them out of bed. Sometimes carrying them both down the stairs.

  • 7:50- Internally chastise self for sleeping so late, promise not to do it again tomorrow. Repetedly instruct twins to to take off their pajamas.

  • 7:52- Wrangle 1st naked twin into clean clothes for the day listening to extreme protests about whatever they are going to be wearing (have already discovered that there is no way to win here. I could dress Cash in Thomas from head to toe and give Patience an actual mermaid tail and would still have to listen to complaining).

  • 7:57- Pin down second twin and wrestle them into clothes while Charlie tries to climb inside my shirt.

  • 8:00- Squirt down twins' hair and run comb through the birds' nests that somehow are built there between 8:30pm and 7:40am. Do hair in ponytails despite requests for Ariel hair, Elsa braids, hair down! Not up! and Thomas hair.

  • 8:06- Charlie's nanny walks in, I run into the bedroom to get dressed. WHY DON'T I CHOOSE MY CLOTHES THE NIGHT BEFORE?!?! Why do I own so many patterns? Nothing matches! GAH!

  • 8:10- Start shouting "shoes shoes shoes where are your shoes????" Make morning nutritional shake, pretend it is a Frappe.

  • 8:13- Listen to myself loudly saying "Car! Car! Car! Lets get in the car! Lets go lets go lets go" while twins drag feet to the front door. Realize I don't have my keys or phone. Shit.

  • 8:15- Kiss Charlie goodbye, thank nanny, shout "good bye" to husband. Load kids into car, while listening to argument over who goes in which color seat (spoiler alert whoever I grab first goes into the seat nearest the front door).

  • 8:17- Drive to Ms. I's house. Try and salvage the morning by forcing cheerful conversation. Give up and play "Go Go Thomas" and Leo Sayer's "You Make Me Feel Like Dancing" to make kids happy. Promise to self to get up earlier from now on. Congratulate self on variaty of musical preference.

  • 8:29- Rush kids through the front door and sign-in 1 minute before breakfast ends. Watch daughter run off happily without "goodbye". Pry son off leg and feel guilty.

  • 8:32- Sit in car for a few minutes to collect self.

  • 8:45- Arrive at office and start loading up on coffee (which I cut off at 1 pm).

That is a pretty typical morning, but there are some variations. This morning, I woke up ten minutes early and was ahead of the game. Then I got ambitious and made myself a cup of coffee, which I spilled everywhere and had to spend almost ten minutes cleaning up, putting me behind by a few minutes. Some mornings my husband gets the kids up and going. Everyonce in a while the nanny will arrive right at eight and man do those six minutes really make a difference. The best mornings are when my husband or my mom drive the kids to Ms. I's house and I have an entire twenty or thirty extra minutes to take care of things at home or even snuggle with Charlie a bit. Those mornings are heaven.

In about a week or so Baby Charlie Girl is going to start at Ms. I's program four days a week. I shudder at the thought of getting her ready on top of things, so to counteract I have been attempting to wake up five minutes earlier every day. Unfortunately her current sleep strike is not helping at all.

At least I know that I will be getting a lot more cute #beforeschoolhangs momments in the near future.

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